Another visit to the hospital

Yes, yesterday we (my husband & me) made another visit to a hospital, this time it is Hospital Serdang. Who did I visit? My own big brother, Hj Azman, who recently celeberated his 48th birthday on 15th October, (2 days before my dear sister, Hjh Mahiran, who celeberated her 46th birthday).

The text message came at about 3am, when I was deep asleep. I did not realize it until 9am, while getting ready to go to the office. The message reads like this,

"Azman masuk hospital serdang sbb sakit dada kiri - emergency ward pde pukul 3am lbh."

I was shocked. However, i always know that he has heart problem, as he once failed the stress test. He also had missed an appointment with IJN for further check-up. He had this attitude of would not care much for his health. He normally resorts to taking alternative medication or herbs rather than going to the doctor. And .... he was ... oppppsss... IS a SMOKER, despite whatever that Mak said to him. He just could not leave THAT habit.

I called his number for further clarification. K.Rose (his wife, my sis-in-law), answered. Yes, he was already admitted for close observation at Cardiac High Dependency Ward (CHDW) of Hospital Serdang for a mild heart attack. I called my husband, and we agreed to visit him in the evening (therefore, my husband need to leave his office early ---orang Pulau Indah lah katakan .... nun ....... di seberang laut). I called Abang (my eldest brother) if he knows about this, 'No' was the short answer. We decided to inform our parents later in the evening. Faqrudin (my youngest brother) was the first to see Abang Man. He was there early in the morning at about 5am, when K.Rose called him to help her to stay with Abg Man at the hospital as K.Rose has to go back to look after the kids.

When we see Abg Man in the evening, he was sleeping. When he woke up, he put a smile and was saying that this is just a small matter, no big fuss, and blaming K.Rose for alerting everbody. It was him, ego as always. Whatever it is, he is still my big brother whom I respect and the bond will always be there. Despite all the saying of feeling better, we can see that he is in pain, with every breath that he takes. And today, doctors will be performing COROS (a medical prodedure) on him to see the condition of the heart and the blockage. Then, doc will decide whether a stenting (balloon) procedure or a by-pass is required. I pray to Allah to give him good health and recover ASAP.

May Allah bless my brother with good health so that he could perform his duty to Allah as a caliph on this world. Amin.

It's a good reminder for us too, to take good care of the body and soul that Allah has borrowed us with so that we could lead a happy life on the world and preparing for the hereafter.

Noktah Kehidupan .... Siri 2

If you read my earlier posting about 'Noktah Kehidupan', this is the continuation of that. Remember, I visited two friends at the HTAR, one passed away Monday, 5th October, the other one passed away yesterday, leaving behind 3 kids aged between 5 - 10 years old. Innalillahi wainna ilahi rajiun.

"Semoga Allah tempatkan Noraini bersama-sama orang yang beriman, diterima amal ibadahnya dan memperoleh ganjaran atas kesabaran dan redhanya menghadapi ujianMu dalam menanggung kesakitan itu. Amin."

It was at about 9 last night, while my husband and I at Seng Heng browsing few things that attracted us when my husband received a text message on his mobile about the demise of Noraini, Mat Zin's wife. It was expected, just a matter of time as her condition is worsening, deteriorating rapidly from the time we visited her last Ramadhan. I can still remember her saying to me, in between tears, that she did not expect to survive the chemo this time round. Her tears ran down the cheek as she said this, she quickly wiped it dry and try to put a smile on her face, trying to hide her feeling. I was lost for words but tried my best to console her and encourage her to keep on fighting .. but Allah knows best.

According to Zin, it was at about 6.00pm yesterday when she became very weak, complaining a pain in the chest. According to Zin again, she had showed some sign that she's living the world beginning that afternoon. She wanted someone to be at her side all the time, not to leave her alone. When noticed Zin looking at her, she whispered something to Zin with her husky voice as her vocal chord is partly damage due to thyroid and the cancerous cell. And her words that touched us was, "Kenapa pandang saya macam tu? Dah ada tanda-tanda ke?", as if she knows that Izrail is already at her side. Ahhhg .......

After Maghrib, her breathing became faster, according to Zin, the kids were curious, they were wondering what is happening to their mother??? (I cannot imagine). And at about 7.45pm, peacefully, she left the world, the husband and the kids behind. Leaving behind the suffering as well, as the cancerous cell mercilessly attack one part of her body and organ after another. It was an active cancer, as it spread very fast. After her first removal of one her breast, she was up and about for about 6 months. She said, it was a new life for her then. But come this March, the cancer attacks again, and this time she hasn't got the time to fight as it spreads very fast. From the thyroid, to lungs and the blood cells ....

Ya Allah, ujian yang kau timpakan ke atas rakan ini mengingatkan aku betapa aku ini, Hamba yang lalai, tidak mensyukuri nikmatMu, nikmat kesihatan dan kesenangan ini tidak ku gunakan untuk menghambakan diri padaMu. Ampunilah aku Ya Allah. Amin ...

Telah di takdirkan .....

This morning, while browsing the UiTM Staff portal (viewing to see if the PTK results is out), I stopped by at MY Personal Info and Academic's Achievement, and found this:

1. 15-08-2009	DOKTOR FALSAFAH (SAINS MAKLUMAT)	UNIVERSITI KEBANGSAAN MALAYSIA
2. 19-02-2000	MASTER SAINS (SAINS KOMPUTER)	UNIV. PUTRA MALAYSIA, SERDANG
3. 10-08-1991	S/MUDA SAINS (KEP) SAINS KOMPUTER	UNIV. KEBANGSAAN MALAYSIA,BANGI

1991 - 2000 - 2009 ......What can you see from this? I did not realized it before. Not until today. Well, Allah has nicely planned for me to get a degree after every 10 years. My colleague once said to me after my viva, "When we are going to get our PhD is already written in the Loh Mahfudz, therefore, when the right time comes, everything becomes so easy for you and the success is yours". BUT, "No pain, No Gain".... that is also what Allah has promised us.

Each of us must work, must put an effort, in order to get something, followed by doa' and tawakkal. The last part is to redha (accept) with what has been written for us --- that is to belief in the qadha' and qadar'. I always belief, whatever that happens to me, good or bad, there's a reason behind it and Allah knows best, and there's hikmah for each.

I would like to relay a story told to me by Datin Dr Noor Habibah (while we were waiting for the judge to come to our booth during the recent PECIPTA competition at KLCC). The story goes like this ... (btw, she got this story from an Ustaz in a morning talk show on TV):

A King peeled an apple, but accidently cut-off his finger. He was sad with what had happen to him. His advisor told him not to be sad, as there must be a hikmah for what had happen. The King was furious with the advisor's answer and threw him into the prison.

One day, regretting putting his advisor into the prison, the king visited the advisor and plan to release him from the prison. "O Mr Advisor, I am so sorry for putting you into the cell.", say the King. "It's Ok my King, as I belief that there is a hikmah for this," replied the advisor. Furious with the answer, he sentenced the advisor to a lifetime imprisonment.

One day, the King and his troop when into the jungle to hunt. On their way back to the castle with animals that they hunt, they were atacked by a group of cannibals (man eating people). The cannibals are looking for a perfect man to be sacrificed to their so called 'god'. They thought the King was the best candidate as he looks perfect and healthy. A close observation on him made the cannibals changed their mind as the King loses a finger which make him imperfect. So the cannibals release the King and start looking for the next most perfect man.

The King was happy and hurried home to see his Advisor. "O Advisor! You are correct when you said that cutting-off a finger has a hikmah behind it as the cannibals did not want me for their sacrifice. I'm released. I'm grateful. Now, I am really sorry for putting you behind bars.", said the King. "O My King, It's Ok. I can see there's a hikmah when you put me behind bars.", replied the Advisor. The King was curious, "How come?", he asked. "Well, as an advisor, I must always be at your side. Therefore, if you are caught by the cannibal, I'm sure I'll be caught by the cannibals too, if I am not behind bars now.", explained the Advisor. "So?", the King becomes more excited. "So, when the cannibals release you because you're not perfect as you lost a finger, they will start looking for the next closest to you and who are perfect. I am closest to you and I am perfect. If I am not here, I am sure the cannibals will pick me as their new sacrifice. Therefore, I am grateful to be locked up in the prison and did not go hunting with you because the cannibals cannot get me. And now, I am safe. That is HIKMAH!", the Advisor finished his lengthy explanation.

Now, the King understands the meaning of hikmah that has been mentioned by the Advisor.

In other word, as a Muslim, that is our Sixth Principle, to Belief in Qadha' and Qadr'. We must accept what Allah has designed for us, and always be grateful for it, for there must be a HIKMAH behind it.

Nokhtah Kehidupan ....

Last Saturday, despite our busy schedule to attend to Raya invitations, attending to visitors to our house, we managed to visit 2 critically illed people at the Tengku Ampuan Rahimah Hospital. K.Anum (50 years old) my neighbour was admitted to the ICU for gangren in her intestine. The illness is detected too late that leads to virus contaminating her blood. The other one was Md Zin's wife, admitted for chemothraphy on her cancerous cell at the neck. The neck was swollen as if a volcano is going to erupt. Passing by the beds with patients with all sorts of sickness and illness was a very eye and mind opening and heart remembering to how grateful we are to be bestowed with good health. Syukur, alhamdulillah.

Ya Allah, you have given us this good health so that we continuously remember and able to fulfill our commitment to You. Ibadah only to YOU. But we human always seems to forget our final destiny.

This morning, as early as 5.00am, I received an sms from my husband (who was in Singapore) that K.Anum has passed away at 2.50am. Even though I was not that close to her, but her sight came flashing in me. I can still remember her friendly smile as she walk pass my house to go to surau. Alhamdulillah, she has just completed her commitment to Allah, by fulfilling the 5th rukun by going to Hajj last season. It was a week ordeal for her. Saturday (26th) she was still looking healthy despite some complaint about a pain in the stomach, Saturday (27thth) fell sick, but still able to communicare with neighbours, Monday(28th) fell coma, Monday(5th) stops her journey on this world and began a new life in alam barzakh.

Her daughter was crying throughout, sitting beside her breathless body all the time as visitors make round to pay our last respect to her, her son was the imam for the last prayer for her .... When I visited her, I pray to Allah, if her journey on this earth is coming to a full stop, please take her in peace and iman, but if her journey here is still a long way to go, please make her recover so that she can continuosly perform ibadah towards the Creator. May my prayer answered. May Allah bless her, accept all her ibadah and place her with all mukminin. Alfatihah .....

I was imagining, what if it was me and not her.... am I prepared???????

Journey back to Shah Alam @Raya 2009

Akhirnya kembali ke rumah setelah lebih seminggu meninggalkan rumah di bandar untuk pulang berhari raya di kampung halaman di sisi ayah bonda dan saudara mara tercinta.

Our journey back to Shah Alam began at 8.15 am, Saturday, 26 September 2009, when we last waved to my parents, mak & bapak. It was a touching moment. Bapak easily drop his golden tears, mak as usual, strong but looking a bit sad. We were the last group to leave the house (we were the first group to arrive in Kg Pertama .... tapi tengah2 tu kat Sg Petani le jugak). It is suppose to be 'sesudah subuh' departure time, hihihi .... that's normal isn't it? At least we did not pass noon.

(1st stop)
We leave early because we plan to have few stops along the way and also to avoid the massive traffic. From the Juru toll, we took the Jawi exit to head to Bagan Serai, our first pit stop. We are here to meet my x-classmate, Noor Adillah Osman. The last time I met her was 9 years ago. Thanks to my husband who has agreed to drive me to my friend's house. Served with nasi lemak and nasi goreng (only about 9.30 am at that time), we had a wonderful chat. But we could not stay long as we still have a very long journey to go. BTW, we just had nasi goreng at mak's house, just imagine what our stomach were saying to us ..... HEY YOU! STOP EATING! .... I'M ALMOST BURST .... tapi orang dah jamu, tak boleh menghampakan.

(2nd stop)
Moving on, we entered Taiping, when my husband suggested that we stop by at Mak Ngah's house to pay her a visit. Unfortunately, after 3 salam, and few knocks on the door, still no answer. According to the neighbour, she must have gone only for a while as the gate is wide ajar. It's ok, it's not in our plan anyway, and Allah knows our nawaitu.

(3rd stop)
Next stop is at Bukit Gantang for some teh tarik and fruits. A short stop as ayah waited in the car, while the girls (Nisa', Atikah & Sabrina) dashed to the toilets and ibu search for teh tarik, milo ais and some fruits. We continued our journey, the girls at the last row were chatting happily (mesti tengah dok sembang pasal cerita Korea ... ntah apa la yg best sangat) ... Hakim as usual keep on pestering Sabrina, making her to shout, scream and all sorts of noise. My simple solution ..."Hakim! Tidur la ....." .... and it was a silence, I turn around to see all four of them were fast asleep. My eyes were also sleepy, and I did not realize when it dozed offff ....... but only a short while.

(4th stop)
Ayah needed to go to the loo, so did Sabrina and Hakim. Next stop was at ...... hmmmm .... cannot recall ... was it Ladang Bikam? but I'm sure it's a Hentian Sebelah (wonder why they named it as such). It was about 1.oo pm. It's not zohor time yet, therefore we decided to proceed to rumah Kak Nah at Rawang and perform our solat at Sg Buluh R&R.

(5th stop)
I've sent SMS to K.Nah asking her whereabout, but no reply. Anyway, without hesitation, we decided to proceed to her Restaurant (ZAMAZ Restaurant at Rawang). When we were about 50km from her restaurant, we receive a call from her, comfirming that she is at the restaurant. We arrived at her restaurant at about 2.00p.m. My stomach made some noise, signalling to be filled. As usual, my menu at the restaurant will be Nasi Goreng Kampung, the three of us (Nisa, Atikah & me) had Nasi Goreng Kampung with telur dadar. Unfortunate for Sabrina as Mak Ngah did not cook her favourite Nasi Ayam, therefore, she resort to Nasi Goreng Ayam. Hakim sulked because he did not get a seat next to me and refused to eat, while Ayah had Mee Rebus after a long chat with Abang Z. It was a GREAT lunch! Thanks K.Nah. We left the restaurant at about 3.10pm.

(6th Stop)
Our next stop is a stop to perform our obligation to the MErciful ALLAH s.w.t. It was at Sg Buluh R&R. Alhamdulillah we manage to get a parking slot despite many cars coming into the rest area. While at the rest area, I made a call to Chu Ton asking her whereabouts. Chu Ton's house is our next stop.

(7th Stop)
From the highway we took the Jalan Duta exit and proceed to Chu Ton's house through DUKE Highway (Duta Ulu KElang Hiway). That was our first time using DUKE and to our surprise it really made our journey shorter and more convenient. We arrive at Chu Ton's house in no time. Chus (Chu Ton & Chu N) has just performed their 'Asr prayer. We had a chat, drinks and some ketupat & rendang and left Chu's house when it was 5.30pm. Again we took DUKE, followed by SPRINT and later proceed to Federal Highway. When in PJ, I received a call from Liza Salleh asking our whereabouts as she was in Shah Alam ...aaahh ... too bad we were not around and we have another pit stop to go (missed the opportunity to meet another x-classmate).

(8th Stop)
In PJ we turn to Jalan 222 to Pak Besaq's house. Going to his house is always a gamble, no calls will be made before going to his house. If he is around, we'll stop. If he is not, we will just continue our journey. Anyway, it is just on our way back to Shah Alam. We are lucky, they were at home. We chat, I helped Mak Besaq to serve us, we had our drinks and excused ourself when it was already 6.30pm.

Alhamdulillah ...... mission accomplished. We have paid our seniors a visit. May Allah grant and bestowed us with Rahmah and accept our little mission as ibadah. Amin.

We finally reached home during the call for Maghrib prayer. Nisa' & Atikah helped out with the 'unloading' job while the males headed to the musolla for Maghrib prayer. We were all 'full' and tired. The journey back to Shah Alam this time took the longest time ever, with the most stops we ever had (Harap2 Nisa' tak menyesal ikut Maksu Ina).

But somehow ... i think i need to reorganize, decorate the house a bit and fill cookies into the cookie jar .... What if someone comes to the house for Raya tomorrow (& the house is a mess) ?????

Ramadhan yang pergi.

Lama sungguh-sungguh tak update blog ni. Tak sempat ... sungguh tak sempat. Entah apa yang membuatkan tak sempat pun tak tahu la .... posa kot ....

Ramadhan has gone. What are the good deeds that we have done during the last Ramadhan. Kids are happy celebrating Eid. So do we, the parents, but deep inside me, I was crying during the last nite of Ramadhan. To me, I have not fully optimise the last Ramadhan for ibadah ila llah. And I do not know whether I will meet another Ramadhan ever again. This might be my last Ramadhan and I did not fill it with enough ibadah. Ya Allah ... Please forgive me.

However, I am still grateful, Alhamdulillah, with the few ibadah that I have performed, I can feel the sweet sensation when performing it. i can feel that i am a better person now. I pray to Allah that I will 'istiqamah' with my ibadah in order to become a good muslimah .... InsyaAllah.

During the last Kuliah Subuh that I listened to at Surau al-Mawaddah, Seksyen 7, Shah Alam, on Friday morning before we hit the road to my Kg Pertama, there are few things that hit me.

Rasullah mengaminkan doa Jibril seperti berikut:

1. Laknatlah bagi mereka yang tidak mengucapkan selawat ketika nama nabi Muhammad s.a.w disebutkan.
2. Laknatlah bagi mereka yang keluar dari Ramadhan tanpa mendapat pengampunan dari Allah.
3. Laknatlah bagi mereka yang berkesempatan hidup bersama kedua ibubapa tetapi tidak berjasa kepada mereka malah menyakiti (hati) mereka.

Ya Allah, semoga aku terlepas dari laknat Allah, Rasul dan Malaikat. Semoga aku tidak termasuk dalam golongan ini.

I conveyed these few 'ilm that I know to my children. They asked about No.2, "How do we know that Allah has forgave us?" ...... Do you have an answer for this? Only ALLAH knows, we can only pray and pray that we were forgiven. I really hope that my kids will grow up to be good muslims, mukmin and muttaqin ............ Amin.

Pen off now ..........

Healthy ....

Health and healthy .... a grateful gift from Allah that we used to take for granted or forget to say 'thanks' for it. How many of us used to say 'thanks to Allah' for this great gift. Only when we are sick we will call Allah for help. How ungrateful we are as the caliph on His planet.

But the Loving Allah, does not want his believer to go astray with the health He gave for so long. He reminded us of our duty to remember Him at all times and day. He test us with a little sickness, so that we remember to say 'Ya Allah ......'.

"Ya Allah telah kau kurniakan kami kesihatan yang berpanjangan, kini kau uji kami dengan sedikit kesakitan. Ampuni lah kami kerana telah lalai dari mengingatiMu. Berilah kami dan keluarga kami kesihatan yang baik agar dapat kami terus beramal dan mengingatiMu. Amin."