Rindu Ini Milik Siapa

Assalamualaikum, dear readers.
First of all, please answer my As-Salam so that both you and me will be rewarded evenly from Allah SWT.
The title is not about a title of a book, nor a movie. It is just about a piece of our bits of life that we will bring to the hereafter.
Today is the 40th day Bapak has left us. Today, in kampung, we perform a small family gathering to recite surah Yaseen and perform tahlil for Bapak as our gift to him. As a show of our never lasting love to him. I no longer weep over the loss but the tears will unnoticingly roll down the cheek almost after every solat.
At times, I am ashamed of myself for doing so. But that's how I felt, that is how I dearly missed Bapak. What should I be ashame of??? I am ashame because I was not able
to miss the Messenger, Rasulallah SAW as much as I miss Bapak!!!!
I failed to become His devoted follower. There's nothing wrong with missing the loss of our loved ones. But how much do we miss Rasulallah SAW?? And I cried even harder when I think of this for Rasulallah SAW on his deathbed was still murmuring about his ummah. Ummati, ummati, .... was the call came from Him as Izrail was there to perform his duty upon Rasulallah SAW. And we, .... We even forgot to say a single salawat upon Rasulallah SAW even when He has promised us His shafaah upon those who remembers Him.
O Allah! Forgive me, your forgetful and ungrateful servant. I do not deserve your jannah nor can I bear your hellfire. Please O Allah, bestow upon me the jannah as you have promised to the muttaqin. AMEEN.

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