I received many SMSes from my many caring friends, asking how I am doing now. I am smiling, laughing, joking with students, but honestly, when I was left alone, the memories keep coming, flashing into me, and unnoticingly, unavoided, my tears dropped down, rolling on my cheek. I know that THIS time will come and I thought I was ready for THIS, but I am not. I missed Bapak so much. Before this, I will frequently call Mak asking for Bapak's condition, and listened to his voice in the background, but now, I could only hear Mak's somber voice. Gone are the cheerful voice to accept our greetings. "Mak, please be strong, we need you. We want you to be healthy and cheerful as ever."
Bapak's last word that I heard, "Pi pi lah ..." (pergi lah as an answer to Mak's question whether he wants to go to the hospital or not on that final day) is now like a music to me. I do not wish to erase it from my memory, I want to hold tight to it because I miss you Bapak. I know, this is not how I should react. I should be strong. Yes, I accept the fate, I belief in Qadha' and Qadar, but I miss Bapak.
A friend came to my office conveying her condolonces and she reminded me of a wonderful gift from Allah to human being but we normally ignored, that is FORGETFUL (lupa). She was telling me that Allah has given us this gift so that we will not continuously grief. And I agree with her, we will soon forget our grief and carry on with our life but I do not wish to forget Bapak, the person who has raised me with love. And with his support, with Allah's blessing, I am what I am now. I want to become a dutiful daughter who will consistently sent my 'dua' to you as a show of love. I will forget my grief, I want to be strong as much as I want Mak to be strong. I will forget my grief. Thank you Allah for this wonderful gift - the 'forgetful attitude' - for with this, I will soon forget my grief and carry on with life to give LOVE like Bapak once gave, me to my children and others.
I will forget my grief, but I will NEVER forget you, BAPAK.